BLOG Neglect

I have been going through a host of transitions and neglected to post as often as I should. Apologies for those who had started to follow and got nothng new. Starting fresh...

The Independent Woman Syndrome

An independent woman knows what she feels, says what she really believes, and lives true to her own values. She owns her own power and looks out for herself. She is independent at all levels - she can make her own money, follow her own path, and be her own best friend. (internet definition)

Most women like to classify themselves as such including myself. As i get older I realize I retreat to this safe haven to cover up my own insecurities. If a relationship isn't going the right way I say "I don't need that person because I'm independent". If I hurt someone's feeling I say "I'm entitled to say what ever however I feel because I'm my own woman". Yes I make my own money but would I mind having someone around to spoil me rotten? NO.. Would I mind not having to do and think about every detail of my life? NO. Would I mind having someone there to confide in every night? NO.. The fact is I'm independent because I have to be.

I've recently started dating someone who reminded me that while I can take care of myself I love having someone around to take charge. Someone to ask their opinion on little things that i may already know the answer to.. Someone to confide in, someone who understands its OK to fall short at times.
I don't mind sharing my independence.

Being all that I want to be!

I'm so tired of giving into the pressures of society. I'm soo tired of hearing what I am supposed to act like or be like. How about being me!
I will dress how I want to - because I buy my own clothes.
I will talk to whomever I please - because I pay my own phone bill and buy my own toothpaste!
I will dance how I want - because the more I wine up the more calories I lose.
I will eat what I want - because I'm comfortable in my sexiness.
I will do my hair how I want - because if I cut it short it must grow back and if it doesnt even the 99cents stores selling weave now.

I work hard, play hard, Love hard. Thats ME! Just Love me for being a smart sexy, intelligent, caribbean woman!

Advice! the blind leads the blind!

I've always wondered why the first people to give you advice are the ones who are in worst situations than you are!

1. The unlicensed marriage/relationship counselor: she can tell u what to do to keep your man or that he is taking too long to marry you, or if you keep treating him like your husband he will never make it official but yet still she either doesn't have a relationship or struggling to keep one!

2. The life coach: she will tell u that your life is too safe or boring! You need some excitement! You need to go out more often (minus the spouse), Flirt with men, Live life (partying is living life to some) or that since your young you should be juggling several men... They never take into account juggling a full time job, college, and a man is enough excitement!

3. The finance expert: she is the one that will tell you to buy anything your heart desires regardless of price or economy because you have not a chick or child to worry about! Also be available and willing to lend money (to her) at any given time because you have no major expenses: never mind that your rent is almost twice hers, you have a car note and insurance (she has none), you have utility payments, cell phone and home phone (her own cut), transportation fee ($10 US a day) she only has to pay $4, daily lunch, groceries, and pay a $16,000 tuition upfront semi annually when your job only reimburses you $8000, but that is in no comparison to minding a man or having more than one kid!

4. The travel agent: who find you should stop going on so many vacations with your man! There are certain places you should go with your girlfriends! Meanwhile they never experience the pleasure of lying on the beach with a man! Don't get me wrong I don't mind hanging with the girls but the toss up between my man and friends does not exist.

5. The Psychic: if you happen to say your feeling under the weather.. Automatically something is going on with you and your man.. And they just knew everything was not as perfect as it seems.

NOTE: you can find all five in one person
Moral is these people never take into account what makes you happy, they project their negative energy because of loneliness, jealousy, boldness, and ignorance! You want to give me relationship advice (that I never ask for) have a successful marriage, financial advice- have a wealthy stock portfolio and never have to borrow from me, Life advice- have your shit together and so on! A true friend never finds faults unnecessarily!

Ring the Alarm! Repost

I was alarmed when I stumbled across the statistics of HIV in Brooklyn! In fact the numbers are so gut wrenching high that it lead me to write about the insecurities of a modern day relationship. Please note this is my point of view. My point of view comes from the heart of a young woman who was in a 7.5 year relationship with a cheater and decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.. As Mary J Blige would say NO MORE DRAMA! (a post soon to come)

Cheating has always been a part of humanity. We all know about the natural instincts excuse! It is my belief that in modern society cheating has become so socially accepted that it has stripped most people (my bf would kill me if I singled out men) of our moral intuitions [most of us know when we are doing or about to do something wrong]. Positive moral influence is being replaced by negative social pressures! Everybody has to have a outside woman or man.

Imagine this: you are hanging out with your man/woman/husband/wife, one of their friends shows up with a date that is outside the norm (not classified above) and by anyone's observations they are quite the item. It is more than normal to ask your spouse (weh she come out) or who is he or she!. Your spouse than feels indirectly pressured to answer a question they don't want to. ( I believe that my ex would say "I really don't know nah even if he did know every gruesome detail.")

You ever heard the joke about a woman sleeping out and when she comes home she tells her husband she was by her friend, when the husband calls her 7 friends none knew what he was talking about! In the reverse situation the husband comes home with the same excuse but when the wife calls the 7 friends, 3 of them admitted that he slept by them, 2 said he just left and the other 2 informed her that he was still asleep and will call as soon as he woke up! LOL can't beat the boys network!

Ok back to the scenario above no-one wants their spouse to think negatively about their friends so it gets uncomfortable! Next time u decide to leave wifee/husbie home, it gets to the point where your friends have a secret code some places u know not to bring her/him. (this is sad but true) So if Its a party scene and a honey pass why not create a little small talk, take a little whine, exchange a small number its harmless we can be friends! WRONG its a social pressure(Some men actually think they have to do these things to fit in)

Ok now with the rapid spread of the monster (HIV) we who are in long term relationships/marriages are carrying each others lives in our private parts. There are so many women/men fooling around with multiple partners. It's the IN thing for many! Some have long term relationships outside of their marriages will they always use protection? How long does it take for you to trust someone to go unprotected? Do u trust your life in the pants/skirt of your spouse?

If your man is stupid enough to cheat you be smart enough to let go. There are good men out there.... I'm fortunate enough to give that testament..

Women wake up!

Stolen from the mouth of an (outside) woman! "His wife don't do the things that I do" " something is missing home that's why he keeps running to me", its cheaper to keep her, he doesn't want to hurt his wife by leaving, the list goes on and on! WOMEN WAKE UP! I am trying to stay on neutral grounds here. We (women) need to realize if u decide to get involve in these situations take it for face value! It's very rare that the outside woman becomes the wife! Most of the time the outside woman does not have the qualities to become the wife! This is a mental commitment: recite to yourself I expect nothing more than some stolen moments sex, a secluded party here and there, if u are lucky a phone call on holidays, and if you are smart enough (or if he's dumb enough) u might get a couple of dollars here and there. He may be bold enough to forbid you from having a man. I see it as boldness some see it as a gesture of love. Having once in my life been unfortunate/silly enough to be in the situation and that my strength is being tested by friends who are caught up in the rapture (voluntary or involuntary) it lead me to pen some etiquette for the outside woman! (Chicken soup for the misguided soul). Please note I am not supporting these activities but as a friend to many I am asked for advice or told some very heart aching scenario's.

1. If you and the man have an argument do not call his wife/girlfriend. She had nothing to do with it in the beginning and shouldn't have in the end. You are hurting the wrong person if you want to hurt him pelt a bottle and buss his head! Scratch his car! Do something that directly affects him, not his family! Does it really benefit you?

2. Don't get upset if he never takes you anywhere! You belong in the bedroom or car or whatever dark alley he takes you in.

3. Don't complain about time be grateful for the stolen moments you get!

4. Do not compare yourself to his wife! Reality check you are not her!

5. If u want him to stick around don't give him any headaches.(nagging).

6. Expect that you may not be the only outside woman.

7. Do not show up at any functions that he will be taking his wife! You will only hurt yourself! I guarantee he will not pay you any attention. It's the benefits of being a wifee!

8. Don't try to get close to any of his family members! They will only tell you what they think you want to hear and than you will end up buying their friendships!